So today I tried an experiment. I figured since yesterday was so awful, why not give it a shot. I took a Zyprexa before work. And wow. What a marked difference. I feel soooo much better. I think this is a medicine I will be taking daily for a while during the day instead of as needed at night. Unlike Klonopin, it doesn't make me drowsy or otherwise klutzy and dumb. Though I was a little klutzy at work tonight, I just attribute it to fatigue.
It seems my body is still fighting the damn swings of evil female hormones and the clash of the Depo shot. That time of the month that isn't supposed to happen anymore (but I spotted for two solid weeks) is approaching again. Good news is that I am steps closer to T. I saw a doctor who is willing to prescribe and did all of the initial blood work. The condition is an HRT/GID letter. He referred me to a shrink who does a ton of work with trans clients. She is willing to see me at a reduced rate. I explained my situation to her and she made a concession. I don't know how long I'll have to see her to meet the criteria for said letter but hey, it's a start.
I am thankful for today. It was an uneventful, stable day. I am still struggling with some things but I ate much better and I feel much better. Maybe I'll even sleep better too. I hope tomorrow/today can be the same or better. C'mon Zyprexa. Kick me out of my funk.
And here are some random words of wisdom I found that I figured I should share...
"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your alone-ness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you." - David Whyte
"You were not put on Earth to suffer. Regardless of your philosophical beliefs, the fact remains that you were born and you are going to die. During the time in between, you get to choose whether or not you want to enjoy the experience. You can be happy just to be alive." - M. Singer
I am happy just to be alive today. Thank you higher power for this day.