Now what....?

Right now all I can think of is the cliche "when a door closes somewhere a window opens" or however it goes. Meaning, I guess that with every "end" comes a new "beginning" of sorts. But what if you don't want the door to close? How long can you stand and push against it? Can it be propped open? And hell...after it closes who is to say how long it will take to find the supposedly open window? Lots of questions for me these days. And I'm having trouble figuring out where to seek the answers.

I'm in essence staring at a blank page. I can put whatever I want on it. But this blank page is the next in a notebook that contains many many full pages behind it. Some pages I wish I could turn back to. Some I'd just as soon rip out and burn. In a lot of ways I'm tempted to just toss the book and start over. Right now that feels right. Find the reset button and smash it down. And I guess there really is no better time than now.

So now what? I guess I'll try to keep the door propped open and hope it stays while I go and try to find a window. Oh. And take my medication. Yay for better living through pharmaceuticals.