Today

is a day I asked to spend with you. And I was turned down. So what happens? I dream about you. Not good dreams, but not nightmares. Concerning dreams. And towards the end one of your children was at risk of death. But she used her awesome intelligence and saved the day. It was horrible. When I woke up the first thing I wanted to do was call you. Call you to see of you are ok. Call you just to hear your voice for real because I heard it all night in my sleep.

It has been three weeks and some now I guess since I last saw you. I don't know the exact time. I would have to check the date on the speeding ticket I got on the way home from your house. But it feels like a lifetime. And to see your face all night in my sleep hurt. Since I can't see it in person. And I spent some time last night thinking about you while I was at work.

I was called outside to push buggies. While out lining up carts to put on the cart mule, I happened to look up and see a young couple sitting in their car. They were kissing. Not making out grotesquely but just sharing a loving, smiling kiss. And my heart sank. My stomach turned. And from that moment on all I could think about was the last distinct memory of kissing you. It's odd because it was not our last kiss. You were sitting in your car and had just let me out in my driveway. I was planning to come over (the last time I saw you) and you said, "Wait, maybe you should kiss me to make sure." We had spent the day with no physical contact. And I walked back over to your open window and leaned in. Put my hand on the back of your head and kissed you. And it felt amazing. All of the passion was there. The sparks. And for me the love. And something was very obviously there for you too.

The longer I thought about that kiss, the deeper my thoughts went. I started to wonder what it would be like to kiss you again. If I would ever kiss you again. I wondered if the opportunity arose if I would even want to kiss you. And if I did, would it feel anywhere near the same. I wondered if you would ever want to kiss me again. I thought about our first kiss at the bar the night we met. And I thought about so many of the kisses over the last 9 months. All the ones I could remember. I stared at my phone doing my best not to send you a text and realized that there are still pictures you have sent me saved there. So I looked at those. And I hurt. But it wasn't the sharp ugly pain. It was an extremely heavy ache. Which is what I feel as I am writing this.

Right now I wish I was with you. I wish I was on your couch with you pressed up against me, your body fitting perfectly with mine, your hair in my face with the TV on and my arms wrapped around your waist. I wish that you would turn your head towards me and shift your body and I would raise up on one arm a little and that we would kiss. That you would look into my eyes in just that way you do and move your mouth up to meet mine.

Maybe tonight in my dreams.

Day 2 Continues