Sometimes life comes with an enormous amount of pain and confusion. The hurt is so deep it gets to the point where only numbness is left. It becomes so comfortable that to live without it is unbearable. And you become trapped. Trapped between torment and that tiny grain of reasoning stuffed somewhere way back in a dusty corner of the mind telling you, "This isn't right. You don't need to live like this." Torn by a heart gone half cold that wants to love but forgot how. How do you try when everything is blank? When nothing makes any sense? When the pain has consumed you? When you feel utterly and completely alone...who do you turn to?
I can't show myself but I can't hide myself. And the pressure of holding it all in to protect everyone else just builds and builds. ... And I'm working on it. The whole self respect thing. Because I deserve it. I know I do. Just so damn hard sometimes. So hard. It is sad that I'm laughed at and called too nice by men for treating women with basic courtesy when they should take notes. So many lack the capacity, compassion and most often even the desire to understand, let alone comprehend difference. And even then some still can't accept it on a base level, let alone embrace it. I would be fine for the rest of my life conforming on the outside when need be to be able to have one person who accepts me.