Who's eyes am I behind?

I look in the mirror and I have no clue who I see. Is it the woman that my body represents? Or is it the man that inhabits my mind?
Should a person hate what they see when they look at themselves? Is the need to want to punch the reflection anywhere near normal?
What is behind the eyes? The eyes that one day are familiar. One day are bright. One day are clouded. One day empty. One day dark. Who is in there?
I can’t translate the image in the mirror into anything some days. The view is totally foreign. Other days I see the sad, lonely, scared pathetic individual who dwells there. And some rare days I see the confident, strong, capable and worthwhile individual I should be. Key word: should.
How do I unlock the real me? How do I even know who that is? I can’t make the pieces fit. I can’t match the inside with the out. And to do so is going to take a long time. And resources I don’t yet have. And even then will the self-image in my brain match what I see? I don’t know.